The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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