i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
