So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
