Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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