well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
