some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
