I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
