Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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