Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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