return my video game
need another drink. this is the easiest way
if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
