How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I supernannyed him into submission
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
