I accidentally had phone sex last night
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
