I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
