She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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