bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
