Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
