i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
