Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
