Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
two words...techno handjob
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
