i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
