i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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