I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
