Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
