life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
