dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So vagazzling was a success
I need a hoe opinion
go on
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
