True but thats because hes a fetus.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
