Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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