And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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