and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
