what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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