new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it's like heaven, but drunker
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
