Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
