i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
