basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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