When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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