Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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