she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
