Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
