dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how do flat chested girls get laid?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think a kid would responsible me up
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
where are my eyebrows?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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