I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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