my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
