this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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