hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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