I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
