what if every blade of grass was a penis?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
