What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
soo... how was my night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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