I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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