Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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