She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
