I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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