so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
