So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
