I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
