Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
